A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, "Dad." With the worst premonition he opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands.

"Dear Dad,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you.

I've been finding real passion with Stacy. She is so nice but I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercings, tattoos, her tight motorcycle clothes and because she is so much older than I am. But it's not only the passion, Dad, she's pregnant.

Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.

Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people in the commune for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.

In the meantime we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS, so Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it!

Don't worry, Dad, I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself.

Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit you so you can get to know your grandchildren.

Love, your son,

John.

P.S. Dad, None of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the report card that's in my center desk drawer. Call me when it's safe to come home."