How to install a wireless security system:

1) Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of men's used work boots, ... a really big pair!

2) Put them outside your front door on top of a copy of Guns and Ammo magazine.

3) Put a dog dish beside it, ...a really big dish.

4) Leave a note on your front door that says something like:

"Bubba, Big Mike and I have gone to get more ammo - back in 15 minutes. Don't disturb the pitbulls. They've just been wormed and are mad as hell." Signed, Billy Bob.