A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened, you look terrible!"

"What do you mean? I'm fine."

"What about that wooden leg? You didn't have that before."

"Well," said the pirate, "we were in a battle at sea and a cannon ball hit my leg, but the Doc fixed me up, and I'm fine, really."

"Oh yeah? Well, what about that hook? The last time I saw you, you had both hands."

"We were in another battle and we boarded the enemy ship. I was in a sword fight and my hand was cut off, but the Doc fixed me up with the hook, and I feel great, really."

"Oh," said the bartender. "Well, what about that eye patch? The last time you were in here you had both eyes."

"One day when we were at sea some birds were flying over the ship. I looked up and one of them shit in my eye."

"You're kidding," said the bartender, "you couldn't have lost an eye just from some bird shit."

"It was my first day with the hook."