Yesterday I was buying a large bag of dog chow for my dog at the local market and was about to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

On impulse at this stupid question, I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, but that I was starting the Dogfood Diet again although I probably shouldn't, because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV's in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with the dogfood nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story).

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.

I told her no. I had stepped off a curb to sniff a Irish Setter's ass and I got hit by a car.