We, the people of Buffalo, hold these truths to be self evident:

FOOD

  • - We call them "wings," or "chicken wings" if you want to be formal. NEVER "Buffalo Wings".
  • - No one outside of WNY can make decent wings.
  • - It's "weck" not "wick,"
  • - It's "pop" not "soda,"
  • - They're "subs" not hoagies or heroes or bombers.
  • - A large pizza with cheese & pepperoni shouldn't cost more than 10 bucks.
  • - Everyone knows someone who works in a pizza joint.

DINING OUT

  • - Everyone knows where "the best fish-fry in town" is.
  • - Except for maybe Friday nights, you don't have to wait for a table.
  • - There is no public restaurant in town that requires a jacket and tie ....and if there was, we wouldn't go there.
  • - You won't find Grey Poupon on the table.
  • - The 2nd most asked question in a restaurant after "Smoking or non-smoking" is "Is this coupon any good tonight?"
  • - The third most asked question is "Are there free re-fills on the pop?"
  • - We don't "Valet Park" unless there is absolutely no other choice.
  • - Every bar has "Happy Hour" prices from 4:30 - 7PM Monday - Friday.
  • - Even though no one orders it, if it doesn't have "Genny" it's not a bar.
  • - Anything over $2.00 for a beer is robbery.

GEOGRAPHY & ROADS

  • - You call it the "Scajaquada" but you spell it "198".
  • - The most famous address is "998 Broadway".
  • - You still get queasy driving over the Peace Bridge in blowing snow.
  • - You think anyone who drives more than 20 minutes to get to work must live in the boondocks.
  • - You get mad when you get stuck in "rush hour" traffic and it takes 10 minutes longer to get home.
  • - You avoid the "blue water tower" during "rush hour" because of the above.
  • - You know Fort Erie is famous for two things, Chinese Food and the "Ballet".
  • - The roads and bridges have been paid for since 1968 but they ain't never taking out the toll-booths.
  • - It's inevitable whatever is finally decided on the Peace Bridge issue will no doubt be the wrong choice.
  • - You rode Rapid Transit from end to end once.... to see what it was like.
  • - Paying $5 to park all day downtown is robbery.
  • - The hookers may be gone, but Chippewa Street still isn't for everyone.
  • - You still refer to places like Sloan and Blasdell.
  • - "LA" is Lackawanna not Los Angeles.
  • - Secretly.....you like going to Toronto.

INSTITUTIONS

  • - You threaten to send your kids to Father Bakers' if they don't behave.
  • - You can pronounce "Weinstein" correctly on the first try.
  • - Even though they haven't done it in about 25 years you're pretty sure Channel 7 still makes reference to "pistol packing punks", and you're pretty sure they don't show the same fire every night.
  • - You know Commander Tom's real identity.
  • - You can only name 3 radio stations that have been around longer than 5 years. WGR, WBEN, and WKBW.....at least you think WKBW is still around; just don't know what it plays since they got rid of Danny Nevraeth.
  • - Everyone says the Albright Knox Art Gallery is a treasure...but a lot of the stuff in there kind of looks like dropcloths.
  • - It's the "Hamburg Fair" not the "Erie County Fair and Expo".
  • - You know the wrong newspaper folded in 1983.
  • - You consider J.C. Penney to be a relatively "upscale" department store.
  • - It's "UB" ...not "SUNY at Buffalo, Amherst".
  • - The St.Patrick's Day Parade means winter is officially over, even if it snows.
  • - There is some kind of "fest" somewhere, every weekend from Memorial Day to Labor Day.

SPORTS

  • - All-time Number 1 - You HATE the Miami Dolphins...
  • - We're SURE the NFL is out to screw us....so is the NHL.....the NBA already did....so did Major League Baseball....so did The Big East Conference.
  • - You still don't forgive St. Bonaventure for ruining the Little Three. What is a "Bonnie" anyway?
  • - Someone must listen to Bison games on the radio you just never met him.
  • - Even WE'RE not desperate enough to support Professional Roller Hockey.
  • - You know someone who knows someone who really knows "the real story" on Jim Kelly".
  • - You have a strong opinion one way or the other on Ralph Wilson.
  • - You can't BELIEVE that you once really liked OJ.
  • - It ain't a real snowstorm unless they ban driving for more than 6 hours.
  • - You carry a shovel and jumper cables in your trunk all year round.
  • - If you drive a foreign car you feel guilty & constantly explain "It's made in Ohio".
  • - None of the new theme parks is as cool as Crystal Beach was in its day.

UNBELIEVABLE THINGS ABOUT OTHER PLACES:

  • - Everyone doesn't pay 8% sales tax or $3,000 property taxes on a $70,000 house???
  • - All golf course aren't flat???
  • - What's a Freeway???
  • - The rest of the country isn't 90% Catholic???
  • - What do you mean we have an accent??? We talk EXACTLY like the announcers on television.
  • - People who live in areas subject to hurricanes, tornadoes, floods, droughts, wild fires, mudslides, and earthquakes can't BELIEVE that we would live in an area that gets so much snow??? Imagine that!!! I guess they would rather drown, burn, or get blown away, or buried alive than shovel for a while. Hey world we have snow plows and snow blowers. And most of all four season. And sometimes all in one day. Top that!

  • (P.S. We also have Weber's mustard and Salen's hot dogs)
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